Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Techies

Techies are weird, behaviourally challenged socially awkward and inept people. I know, because I am one. But nothing compares to the comment I just overheard from one of our IT support guys:

"Have you been to Monte Carlo? No? It's the iPhone of cities."

Sweet Jesus!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Cloverfield

MUST. SEE. THIS. FILM.


Trailer Here

Monday, November 19, 2007

21st November 8pm

The lowdown:

England's qualification is back in their hands. Russia's last-gasp loss to Israel on Saturday means Steve McClaren's men will make it to Euro 2008 if they avoid defeat at Wembley against Croatia in their final game on Wednesday.

If England do lose, they are all but certain to crash out. Russia's final match is against group minnows Andorra - currently on a run of 29 successive Euro qualifying defeats - and a Russian victory will put them on 24 points, one ahead of a defeated England.

An England draw coupled with a Russia win means both teams finish on 24 points. England will qualify because teams which finish level on points are divided according to their head-to-head record. England have the edge on goal difference after their 3-0 win at home in London was followed by a 2-1 defeat away in Moscow.

Croatia have qualified by virtue of Russia's defeat in Israel, but their defeat to Macedonia on Saturday has opened up the possibility of England winning the group.

If England beat Croatia by a three-goal margin they will finish ahead of Slaven Bilic's side. A 2-0 win will also be enough as the head-to-head record between the sides will be level and so the group standings will be decided on goal difference - which will be superior for England.

A two-goal win in which England concede a goal (ie 3-1 or 4-2) will mean Croatia finish top by virtue of scoring an away goal in the head-to-head record.

If Croatia lose by a single goal at Wembley, they will still finish top of top Group E.

Overheard in Court

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

The Tush-Push

Barry,

It's great to hear from you finally. I assume your email found me in error, however it is fortuitous indeed that it did, for I am in great need of one of your finest products to date - the Tush-Push. Since my crash course of extreme weight gain I too have had difficulty getting off the pooper. Please Barry, please help me. I write this from the bathroom, I pray your product arrives before my laptop battery dies and disconnects me from the outside world. Please hurry Barry!

http://phillipsliftsystems.com/company.htm
http://phillipsliftsystems.com/

Thanks,
Tommy

America's New Motto

"We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t get a person off the toilet."

http://phillipsliftsystems.com/company.htm

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

L-M-P-791

Half hovercraft, half airship, all weird!

Brilliant Game


You play with crayons and physics. The goal of the game is to move the red ball so that it collects the stars. You can cause the red ball to move by drawing physical objects.

With left mouse button you can draw and with right you can remove objects.

You have to download it, but it's small and well worth it.
http://www.kloonigames.com/blog/games/crayon/

Friday, November 09, 2007

Internet Love Song



BRB OMG LOL ROFLMAO

Nice!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

The Whitest Boy Alive - Golden Cage

World larget man-made tornado - by accident!


Engineers at the Mercedes-Benz Museum in Germany have built the world’s largest man-made tornado. The 34.43 meter high tornado was built to keep smoke from making it’s way into exhibit areas in the museum in the event of a large fire. The tornado in the photos uses carbon dioxide vapor and takes a good 7 plus minutes for the 144 jets to get 28 tons of air wound up enough to create the vortex necessary to sustain the column. Once running, the tornado will effectively suck in any smoke and carry it up to vents to be expelled to the outside.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

The Great Debaters


It must be the year, but the number of big actors who are turning into directors grows every day. The latest is Denzel Washington who is debuting his second directorial effort, The Great Debaters, on Christmas Day. Set back in 1935, The Great Debaters is based on the true story of Melvin B. Tolson, a professor at Wiley College Texas who inspired his students to form the school's first debate team. This actually looks really damn good, I'm quite impressed. Oscar contender?

Watch the trailer here

Monday, November 05, 2007

Marion the Ripper

Marion just came up with a great onomatopoeic representation of a jack the Ripper murder...

"sshhhrt pfff plafsh bleeeeeuuuaaaarrrg"

Niiice.

Mass Attack

Simple concept - difficult little game

http://mass.attack.fizzlebot.com/

[REC]



"This movie played after Atonement in a double bill at the Venice Film Festival. Within fifteen minutes the previously full cinema was half empty with people filing out of the auditorium in panicked droves. Those who stayed were treated to the proverbial roller-coaster ride and walked out of the Sala Biennale having shared a deeply traumatic yet brilliant experience. REC had me literally screaming with terror and enjoyment.

A bubbly, ambitious TV journalist reports on the seemingly dull sedentary life of an urban fire station and a call to help a strange old lady locked in her apartment hardly seems worthy covering. The chaos, mayhem and trauma that erupts when the old lady plunges her teeth into the neck of the previously sympathetic fireman is simply sensational.

This is not a casual Zombie movie but the usual rules of contamination apply. The live news report style in which it is filmed invoke a jarring sense of participation which make Blair Witch feel cute, dated and comparatively boring."

IMDB - [REC]

Word of the Day - Woolgathering

woolgathering \WOOL-gath-(uh)-ring\, noun:
Indulgence in idle daydreaming.

Similarly, in the meadow, if you laze too late into the fall, woolgathering, snow could fill your mouth.
-- Edward Hoagland, "Earth's eye", Sierra, May 1999

It would be easy to slip off into woolgathering and miss a deadline.
-- Jeraldine Saunders, Washington Post, March 4, 2004

Plagued by guilt, they took refuge in wine, women, and woolgathering.
-- Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust

The soprano roused Fergus from his woolgathering.
-- Sandra Brown, Where There's Smoke

Woolgathering derives from the literal sense, "gathering fragments of wool."