I'm done. I'm finished. I can't take the stupidity anymore, so I'm leaving and I'm taking my website with me. As of Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009, T-Shirt Hell will be no more.
No, I'm not selling out to some douchebag corporate entity. No, we're not being sued by any of the over 40 companies that have sent us cease and desists over the years. No, I'm not going to jail (yet) and no, it's not because of the economy. Although, the recent dip in sales certainly does make the idea easier to accept, even though we still sell over 3000 shirts a week.
I started this company in June of 2001, nearly 8 years ago, with the intention of producing the best satirical, the most controversial, the funniest t-shirts on the internet. Generally speaking, I feel I've accomplished that and am satisfied with what we've put out. I made a shitload of dough along the way. I've done cocaine off the better body parts of supermodels. I've even raped and killed a mountain panda in the hills of Shaanxi. But these perks are besides the point.
I just don't feel like dealing with idiots anymore. I'll give you an example of the kind of misguided morons we deal with on a regular basis at T-Shirt Hell. We released a new shirt a couple weeks ago that says "It's not gay if you beat them up afterwards". I will not explain the irony or the social commentary of the slogan because anyone with half a brain should be able to handle that on their own. Problem is, we've been besieged with emails from angry people complaining about the "fact" that the shirt is hate speech or that we're promoting gay bashing and should take it down immediately.
Comments like:
"I can't even believe people buy this shit. Do you realize your supporting a hate crime? That makes you feel better about yourself? Wow you need a life. We're all human beings and you can't except it."
and
"It's Not Gay:If You Beat Them Up After"?? That is highly inappropriate and very very morally wrong. I will be advising everyone I know to avoid buying anything from your site until shirts like this are removed. In this world people are fighting for equality and a chance to be themselves without fear of being beat up because of who they are, yet here is an established website promoting hate and violence. You all should be ashamed of yourselves."
Now, I can't say I'm surprised we're getting hate mail from people who have nothing better to do than to start half-assed campaigns because of their lazy, just enough passion for an email, ideals towards a misguided cause. It happened when we did our first really controversial shirt, "The School Shootings Tour", it happened when we did our "What About All The Good Things Hitler Did" shirt, it happened when we did our "Arrest Black Babies Before They Become Criminals" shirt (boy did it happen then). It used to happen all the time when we did more social commentary and didn't give a fuck about what anyone thought and did shirts that did not leave anyone out. Unfortunately, as a concern for the safety of my employees, we don't push the envelope as much anymore...and I can't say I feel good about having caved in.
Anyway, rather than cater to the masses, I'm just going to stop making shirts. It's not enjoyable anymore and I have enough money to move on to something more rewarding. Maybe I'll start my own hooker farm or maybe I'll practice sleeping. Whatever I decide to do, it will be better than this.
Attention any venture capitalists or independent investors/business assholes who are about to inquire about purchasing T-Shirt Hell. Don't. You won't do the company justice and I won't take that chance. I'm putting it to sleep. It's over.
That's right, I'm crazy. I'm pulling the plug on a company I could have sold for millions. Why in the fucking world would I do something so stupid? Because I can. I don't care about money. This is the way I've always done things...my way.
So, to all the kickass motherfuckers who supported us and REALLY got what we were trying to do, thank you (no, not you, you racist idiots who thought we actually had racist intentions and no, not you, you dumb as a stump fucks who just think any shirt with the word "fuck" on it is as right as rain). Thanks to all the people who contributed to my vice fund and at the same time helped make a funny statement about the world today.
As a final farewell, I'm going to bring back some of the top selling Worse Than Hell shirts as a fuck you to those who forced me to remove them. To those who are offended by them and to those who think I'm racist, promoting rape, a nazi, homophobic or just the world's biggest asshole...well, at least you think I'm something, which means I've achieved what I wanted.
Thanks to Gary, Mika, Jacob, Greg, Bob, the black lady who writes our newsletter, and to everyone else who was part of T-Shirt Hell. Time to move on to even greater things. I'll miss you (by miss, I mean, it's going to suck not being able to give you my excellent reach arounds when you least expect them).
Fuck you,
-Sunshine Megatron
T-Shirt Hell
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Headline Today
Headline on today's paper read: 'Congo warlord denies war crimes'
That's a bit rich. Kind of like: 'Man with beard denies being paedophile'
That's a bit rich. Kind of like: 'Man with beard denies being paedophile'
Nerd Jokes
* F(x)= sin(x) walks into a restaurant and orders some soup. The waiter replies, "Sorry but we don't cater for functions here."
* I have a complex relationship with my girlfriend. I'm Real, and she's Imaginary...
* What's got feathers and goes "Pieces of seven, pieces of seven?" A parroty error.
* An infinite number of mathematicians go into a bar. One asks for a pint of beer, the next asks for a half. The third asks for a quarter of a pint, and the fourth asks for an eighth of a pint. The barman pours two pints and says "Just sort it out among yourselves".
* Why do Java programmers need glasses? Because they can't C sharp.
* Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
* Two atoms are shooting the shit one day
ATOM 1: Mate, I think I've lost an electron.
ATOM 2: Are you sure?
ATOM 1: Yep, I'm positive.
* Some people think the glass is half empty. Some people think the glass is half full. Database admins think the glass is twice the size it needs to be.
* Two spiral galaxies walk into a pub. The landlord says "I can serve *you*..." (points at the first), "but not *you*..." (points at the second). "Why not?" - "Because you're barred."
And my personal favourite:
* Your mother is so fat she sat on a Binary Tree and turned it into a linked list in real time.
* I have a complex relationship with my girlfriend. I'm Real, and she's Imaginary...
* What's got feathers and goes "Pieces of seven, pieces of seven?" A parroty error.
* An infinite number of mathematicians go into a bar. One asks for a pint of beer, the next asks for a half. The third asks for a quarter of a pint, and the fourth asks for an eighth of a pint. The barman pours two pints and says "Just sort it out among yourselves".
* Why do Java programmers need glasses? Because they can't C sharp.
* Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
* Two atoms are shooting the shit one day
ATOM 1: Mate, I think I've lost an electron.
ATOM 2: Are you sure?
ATOM 1: Yep, I'm positive.
* Some people think the glass is half empty. Some people think the glass is half full. Database admins think the glass is twice the size it needs to be.
* Two spiral galaxies walk into a pub. The landlord says "I can serve *you*..." (points at the first), "but not *you*..." (points at the second). "Why not?" - "Because you're barred."
And my personal favourite:
* Your mother is so fat she sat on a Binary Tree and turned it into a linked list in real time.
Fun with Credit Cards
Over the past 6 months, I have been playing a fun game with my credit card company. The game finally backfired on me today and led me through the most hilarious moment of my life. Most people would have been embarrassed, but me, I'm a little twisted, so I laughed all the way through it like an asshole.
With any story, there is a setup process. Here is the setup to this story. About 6 months ago, I was making a purchase with my credit card and when I went to sign the electronic signature machine, it was broken. By broken, I mean that when I touched the pen to the machine, it went crazy and didn't look anything like my signature. It looked like a drunk 4 year old signed my name for me. It accepted the signature without any problems. So this really made me wonder what I could do to give my credit card company something to laugh about. I mean, they obviously don't review the signatures since they never called me or declined a purchase. For fucks sake, it could have been a stolen card.
I started out modest by signing with a line or an "X". Occasionally I would do last name first. After a couple of months, I became bolder. I wrote goofy shit, drew pictures, etc. Here's a list of some of my favorite signatures over the past few months:
I AM NOT KINGPIN
I STOLE THIS
FUCK OFF
FUCK YOU
WALMART SUCKS
CALL ME
CROTCHY CROTCHINGTON
MY BALLS ITCH
911
I'M A CRIMINAL
THANKS FOR THE STUFF
Today I went the extra mile. When it came time to sign my name, a thought popped in my head. I should draw a picture. But what picture should I draw? I smirked as something completely juvenile came to me.
Yes, I know, it's not my best artwork, but I didn't have the time to be elaborate with the drawing. I had to look like I was providing a signature. Right after I hit "OK", there was a pause. The register then said "COMPARE SIGNATURE ON SLIP TO CARD." One thought popped in my head: "OH FUCK!" It then printed the receipt and there in black and white was my shitty drawing of cock and balls. The lady at the register didn't immediately look at it. She asked for the card. I handed her the card and she flipped it over. Then she brought up the receipt and she smirked, but then took a stern tone and said "These signatures don't match."
At this point I was in tears from trying to hold back my laughter. I tried to explain to her why I had done it, but it didn't matter. I probably didn't make sense as I laughed hysterically through the explanation. She then paged the manager and I erupted in laughter. The guy behind me in line got a glimpse of my signature on the receipt and began laughing. The manager comes up and the woman from the register begins whispering to him. I then hear a few words "he drew a penis..." as she holds up the receipt. The manager blurts out a short laugh and then controls it. He turns to me and I'm out of breath from laughing and I'm still giggling like a schoolgirl.
Manager: Sir, your signature...heh...umm...doesn't match the signature on your card.
Kingpin: I know and there is a good reason for that.
Manager: (quietly) You drew a penis on my credit card machine.
**The guy behind me bursts into laughter.**
Kingpin: Yeah, I didn't think this would happen. I've been trying to see how far I could go with my signature before the credit card company did something about it.
Manager: I guess you learned your lesson.
Kingpin: Yeah, the credit card doesn't accept penis.
**The guy behind me now can't stop laughing.**
Manager: OK, I'm going to decline the signature and have you sign it again.
Kingpin: Fair enough.
Manager: This time, really sign it.
So I had to sign it again and they wouldn't let me keep my artwork. Those bastards. I had singlehandedly broken up the monotony of their daily routine and given them something that they will be talking about for years to come and they wouldn't let me keep it. They will tell their grandchildren about the guy that drew cock and balls as his credit card signature.
So I have a plan now. I'm going to get a new credit card and sign the back with my cock and balls drawing. Then I will consistently use that as the signature. That way, if I ever get caught in the same situation, the signatures will match. That will really fuck with them.
link
With any story, there is a setup process. Here is the setup to this story. About 6 months ago, I was making a purchase with my credit card and when I went to sign the electronic signature machine, it was broken. By broken, I mean that when I touched the pen to the machine, it went crazy and didn't look anything like my signature. It looked like a drunk 4 year old signed my name for me. It accepted the signature without any problems. So this really made me wonder what I could do to give my credit card company something to laugh about. I mean, they obviously don't review the signatures since they never called me or declined a purchase. For fucks sake, it could have been a stolen card.
I started out modest by signing with a line or an "X". Occasionally I would do last name first. After a couple of months, I became bolder. I wrote goofy shit, drew pictures, etc. Here's a list of some of my favorite signatures over the past few months:
I AM NOT KINGPIN
I STOLE THIS
FUCK OFF
FUCK YOU
WALMART SUCKS
CALL ME
CROTCHY CROTCHINGTON
MY BALLS ITCH
911
I'M A CRIMINAL
THANKS FOR THE STUFF
Today I went the extra mile. When it came time to sign my name, a thought popped in my head. I should draw a picture. But what picture should I draw? I smirked as something completely juvenile came to me.
Yes, I know, it's not my best artwork, but I didn't have the time to be elaborate with the drawing. I had to look like I was providing a signature. Right after I hit "OK", there was a pause. The register then said "COMPARE SIGNATURE ON SLIP TO CARD." One thought popped in my head: "OH FUCK!" It then printed the receipt and there in black and white was my shitty drawing of cock and balls. The lady at the register didn't immediately look at it. She asked for the card. I handed her the card and she flipped it over. Then she brought up the receipt and she smirked, but then took a stern tone and said "These signatures don't match."
At this point I was in tears from trying to hold back my laughter. I tried to explain to her why I had done it, but it didn't matter. I probably didn't make sense as I laughed hysterically through the explanation. She then paged the manager and I erupted in laughter. The guy behind me in line got a glimpse of my signature on the receipt and began laughing. The manager comes up and the woman from the register begins whispering to him. I then hear a few words "he drew a penis..." as she holds up the receipt. The manager blurts out a short laugh and then controls it. He turns to me and I'm out of breath from laughing and I'm still giggling like a schoolgirl.
Manager: Sir, your signature...heh...umm...doesn't match the signature on your card.
Kingpin: I know and there is a good reason for that.
Manager: (quietly) You drew a penis on my credit card machine.
**The guy behind me bursts into laughter.**
Kingpin: Yeah, I didn't think this would happen. I've been trying to see how far I could go with my signature before the credit card company did something about it.
Manager: I guess you learned your lesson.
Kingpin: Yeah, the credit card doesn't accept penis.
**The guy behind me now can't stop laughing.**
Manager: OK, I'm going to decline the signature and have you sign it again.
Kingpin: Fair enough.
Manager: This time, really sign it.
So I had to sign it again and they wouldn't let me keep my artwork. Those bastards. I had singlehandedly broken up the monotony of their daily routine and given them something that they will be talking about for years to come and they wouldn't let me keep it. They will tell their grandchildren about the guy that drew cock and balls as his credit card signature.
So I have a plan now. I'm going to get a new credit card and sign the back with my cock and balls drawing. Then I will consistently use that as the signature. That way, if I ever get caught in the same situation, the signatures will match. That will really fuck with them.
link
Sundance 2009 Review: Tommy Wirkola's Dead Snow
"Tonight I caught a midnight screening of Dead Snow at the world famous Egyptian theater. After 7 days of seeing romantic dramas and quirky comedies, I was really in the mood for some gory zombie mayhem. Dead Snow is that Norwegian film about Nazi zombies. It's a simple enough story - a group of people head out to remote cabin in the mountains only to discover a party of undead Nazis terrorizing the area. To be honest, I didn't really care about how great the story was (or wasn't), because in the end, I had a great time watching this, and when it comes to cult zombie movies, that experience is what counts the most.
There's not much new to the Dead Snow story that we haven't seen before. Equal number of guys, equal number of girls, out at a remote cabin without cell phone reception. Creepy guy shows up, tells them about Nazis. Next thing we know a few of them start disappearing, then some ugly zombie pops his head up, and all hell breaks loose. So why did I love it so much? It's just fun. And seeing Nazi zombies, not just the same old zombies, terrorizing some Norwegian folks out in the middle of the cold and snow is just downright frickin' fun! And of course, there's everything from chainsaws to machine guns to limbs torn apart.
I'm not saying this is the best zombie movie since 28 Days Later or even Army of Darkness. But while watching Dead Snow, it brought back the great memories I had seeing both of those zombie classics for the first time. So while it may borrow excessively from both, as well as from George Romero's films and Shaun of the Dead, it's still just as entertaining and enjoyable seeing for the first time as any of those older zombie films. Mindless horror comedy? It certainly is and it's a blast to watch, despite minor inconveniences or story contrivances. Who really cares whether a zombie comedy is that perfect? I know I don't.
The only real way to experience Dead Snow is in a packed movie theater full of zombie lovers and horror fans. Why? Because even though it may not be perfect, it's one hell of an exciting movie to see with people who cheer wildly at every last kill and laugh at every cheesy joke. Sure they made be bad jokes and overused kills, but why does that make it a bad movie? It doesn't, as long as you can have a great time watching it. And Dead Snow is not much more than pure entertainment at its finest. So if you're also looking for another great zombie film to watch with a bunch of your own zombie-loving friends, Dead Snow is it."
By Alex Billington, Firstshowing.net
The Definitive List Of DVDs No Dude Can Have In Their Collection
A person’s DVD collection is essentially a window into their soul. With that in mind Team Cool & Tough has put together this definitive list of movies no dude should have in their DVD collection, lest they run the risk of looking like a douchebag, and maybe even a homosexual douchebag.
If any of the following are currently sitting in your DVD collection, we recommend you rush home and burn your house down:
* The Notebook
* My Best Friend’s Wedding
* Legally Blonde
* Anything Sex in the City.
* You’ve Got Mail
* Anything with Hugh Grant.
* Pretty Woman
* Any movie where animals talk.
* P.S. I Love You
* Sleepless in Seattle
* Any movie starring an adult Drew Barrymore.
* Anything where characters spontaneously break out into song.
* Any “period piece” that doesn’t contain strong violence.
* Anything with Matthew McConaughey and some actress’s name above the title.
* Anything with Sandra Bullock not co-starring Keanu Reeves and not named Speed.
* Meet Joe Black
* Anything starring Patrick Swayze where he doesn’t violently kill someone.
* How Stella Got Her Groove Back
* Anything with Kate Hudson not named Almost Famous.
* 27 Dresses
* Any movie where there premise revolves around dancing.
* Anything starring Hilary Duff.
* The Bridges of Madison County
* Anything starring Bette Midler not named Drowning Mona.
* Fried Green Tomatoes
* Anything with Whoopie Goldberg.
* Grease
* Anything starring Pauly Shore.
* Love Actually
* Father of the Bride
* Anything where Dane Cook is supposed to be funny.
* Any season of Friends.
* Titanic
* Anything with subtitles not named Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
* White Chicks
* Any sequel not starring the original cast.
* Mean Girls
* Your wedding video.
* Any Star Wars prequel.
* Devil Wears Prada
* Any movie where a formerly awesome comedian dresses in a fat suit and/or drag.
* Clueless
* Any movie Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer had anything to do with.
* Waiting to Exhale
* Any movie starring J. Lo not named Out of Sight or U-Turn.
* Girl, Interrupted
* Any Wayans Brothers movie.
* Any movie with Madonna.
* A League of Their Own
* Anything Harry Potter related.
* The English Patient
* Any movie with homoerotic undertones that doesn’t lead to chicks making out.
* Steel Magnolias
* Any movie starring Cher.
* Thelma & Louise
So what we’re pretty telling you is: when in doubt, go Stallone.
If any of the following are currently sitting in your DVD collection, we recommend you rush home and burn your house down:
* The Notebook
* My Best Friend’s Wedding
* Legally Blonde
* Anything Sex in the City.
* You’ve Got Mail
* Anything with Hugh Grant.
* Pretty Woman
* Any movie where animals talk.
* P.S. I Love You
* Sleepless in Seattle
* Any movie starring an adult Drew Barrymore.
* Anything where characters spontaneously break out into song.
* Any “period piece” that doesn’t contain strong violence.
* Anything with Matthew McConaughey and some actress’s name above the title.
* Anything with Sandra Bullock not co-starring Keanu Reeves and not named Speed.
* Meet Joe Black
* Anything starring Patrick Swayze where he doesn’t violently kill someone.
* How Stella Got Her Groove Back
* Anything with Kate Hudson not named Almost Famous.
* 27 Dresses
* Any movie where there premise revolves around dancing.
* Anything starring Hilary Duff.
* The Bridges of Madison County
* Anything starring Bette Midler not named Drowning Mona.
* Fried Green Tomatoes
* Anything with Whoopie Goldberg.
* Grease
* Anything starring Pauly Shore.
* Love Actually
* Father of the Bride
* Anything where Dane Cook is supposed to be funny.
* Any season of Friends.
* Titanic
* Anything with subtitles not named Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
* White Chicks
* Any sequel not starring the original cast.
* Mean Girls
* Your wedding video.
* Any Star Wars prequel.
* Devil Wears Prada
* Any movie where a formerly awesome comedian dresses in a fat suit and/or drag.
* Clueless
* Any movie Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer had anything to do with.
* Waiting to Exhale
* Any movie starring J. Lo not named Out of Sight or U-Turn.
* Girl, Interrupted
* Any Wayans Brothers movie.
* Any movie with Madonna.
* A League of Their Own
* Anything Harry Potter related.
* The English Patient
* Any movie with homoerotic undertones that doesn’t lead to chicks making out.
* Steel Magnolias
* Any movie starring Cher.
* Thelma & Louise
So what we’re pretty telling you is: when in doubt, go Stallone.
Monday, January 12, 2009
8 Everyday Words With X-Rated Origins
Hysteria
What It Means Now:
An over emotional reaction, chaos, a Def Leppard album.
The Dirty History:
The term comes from the Greek "Hystera," which means womb or ovary, which also gives us the term hysterectomy. Modern examples of hysteria are mostly riot related, but back in the Victorian era, it was considered a nervous condition for females, caused by their lady-parts. Which, like riots, was stopped with fucking fire hoses.
More here
9 Words That Don't Mean What You Think
Ironic
People think it means:
Any kind of amusing coincidence.
Actually means:
An outcome that is the opposite of what you'd expect.
So, if a porn star moved to Virgin, Utah, that would be ironic. If the same porn star bought a house in Boner Knob, Montana that would not be ironic.
More here
People think it means:
Any kind of amusing coincidence.
Actually means:
An outcome that is the opposite of what you'd expect.
So, if a porn star moved to Virgin, Utah, that would be ironic. If the same porn star bought a house in Boner Knob, Montana that would not be ironic.
More here
8 People Who Inspired Words (For Embarrassing Reasons)
The Word:
Silhouette
Means:
A two-dimensional shape of a man
The Man:
Etienne de Silhouette was a man with a shit job: Controller-General for the regime of Louis XIV. He had to curb the spending of the king, finance the Seven Years' War and somehow keep the entire nation afloat. Keep in mind Louis had seven guys on staff just to help him get into his shirt in the morning.
More here
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
UK PR Agencies
UK PR Agencies is a new simple and free service where you can get quotes from a range of UK public relations agencies. Simply fill in your details and press send - that's it! They do all of the hard work for you by hand-selecting up to nine relevant UK PR companies that can fulfil your requirement and then asking them to contact you, saving you valuable time and effort.
They also has an excellent public relations advice section and a job search that searches only pr jobs.
They also has an excellent public relations advice section and a job search that searches only pr jobs.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Battlefield Heroes
* Battlefield Heroes™ is a brand new Play 4 Free game from the people that brought you the multi-million selling Battlefield 1942™ and Battlefield 2™
* It’s a fun cartoon-style shooter which caters to players of all skill levels — easy to pick up and play, but with deep character development
* It will be released for the PC as a free download in Summer 2008
Trailer
Site
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Can a woman legally be elected president of the US?
Most people believe not only that the 19th Amendment permitted women the right to vote but that since women serve in Congress, the courts and other offices of government, the office of president of the United States has been de-genderized.
Not true. This important legal question exists now and has not been constitutionally addressed. The language and syntax of the 19th Amendment merely removed the barriers that prevented women from voting. It did not identify women to be qualified to become elected president.
The language is clear. The 19th Amendment says: "The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex."
We cannot read into the amendment something that is not there. Now, had the amendment said, "The right of citizens of the United States to vote or hold public office shall not be denied," it would have accomplished what the feminists think took place.
The Susan B. Anthony Amendment (as it was then known, because the words were actually drafted by the suffragist in 1875) passed in the House by a vote of 304 to 89. The Senate then passed it, 56 to 25. The text of both the House and Senate deliberately avoided any language that would allow or permit women the right to seek the highest office in the land! It was the considered opinion of senators on both sides of the aisle that if language de-genderized the presidency, the amendment's ratification by the necessary 36 states would be in great doubt.
Today's feminists believe the election process is an evolutionary process, legalized by common practice and that someday a woman will be president. They are convinced that since women have run for the office, the male-gendered presidential office has been neutered .
Not so. They will be challenged, and a Supreme Court ruling on the language will be necessary. At the very least a constitutional amendment to change the language will be required.
From opinion: here
Not true. This important legal question exists now and has not been constitutionally addressed. The language and syntax of the 19th Amendment merely removed the barriers that prevented women from voting. It did not identify women to be qualified to become elected president.
The language is clear. The 19th Amendment says: "The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex."
We cannot read into the amendment something that is not there. Now, had the amendment said, "The right of citizens of the United States to vote or hold public office shall not be denied," it would have accomplished what the feminists think took place.
The Susan B. Anthony Amendment (as it was then known, because the words were actually drafted by the suffragist in 1875) passed in the House by a vote of 304 to 89. The Senate then passed it, 56 to 25. The text of both the House and Senate deliberately avoided any language that would allow or permit women the right to seek the highest office in the land! It was the considered opinion of senators on both sides of the aisle that if language de-genderized the presidency, the amendment's ratification by the necessary 36 states would be in great doubt.
Today's feminists believe the election process is an evolutionary process, legalized by common practice and that someday a woman will be president. They are convinced that since women have run for the office, the male-gendered presidential office has been neutered .
Not so. They will be challenged, and a Supreme Court ruling on the language will be necessary. At the very least a constitutional amendment to change the language will be required.
From opinion: here
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Techies
Techies are weird, behaviourally challenged socially awkward and inept people. I know, because I am one. But nothing compares to the comment I just overheard from one of our IT support guys:
"Have you been to Monte Carlo? No? It's the iPhone of cities."
Sweet Jesus!
"Have you been to Monte Carlo? No? It's the iPhone of cities."
Sweet Jesus!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
21st November 8pm
The lowdown:
England's qualification is back in their hands. Russia's last-gasp loss to Israel on Saturday means Steve McClaren's men will make it to Euro 2008 if they avoid defeat at Wembley against Croatia in their final game on Wednesday.
If England do lose, they are all but certain to crash out. Russia's final match is against group minnows Andorra - currently on a run of 29 successive Euro qualifying defeats - and a Russian victory will put them on 24 points, one ahead of a defeated England.
An England draw coupled with a Russia win means both teams finish on 24 points. England will qualify because teams which finish level on points are divided according to their head-to-head record. England have the edge on goal difference after their 3-0 win at home in London was followed by a 2-1 defeat away in Moscow.
Croatia have qualified by virtue of Russia's defeat in Israel, but their defeat to Macedonia on Saturday has opened up the possibility of England winning the group.
If England beat Croatia by a three-goal margin they will finish ahead of Slaven Bilic's side. A 2-0 win will also be enough as the head-to-head record between the sides will be level and so the group standings will be decided on goal difference - which will be superior for England.
A two-goal win in which England concede a goal (ie 3-1 or 4-2) will mean Croatia finish top by virtue of scoring an away goal in the head-to-head record.
If Croatia lose by a single goal at Wembley, they will still finish top of top Group E.
England's qualification is back in their hands. Russia's last-gasp loss to Israel on Saturday means Steve McClaren's men will make it to Euro 2008 if they avoid defeat at Wembley against Croatia in their final game on Wednesday.
If England do lose, they are all but certain to crash out. Russia's final match is against group minnows Andorra - currently on a run of 29 successive Euro qualifying defeats - and a Russian victory will put them on 24 points, one ahead of a defeated England.
An England draw coupled with a Russia win means both teams finish on 24 points. England will qualify because teams which finish level on points are divided according to their head-to-head record. England have the edge on goal difference after their 3-0 win at home in London was followed by a 2-1 defeat away in Moscow.
Croatia have qualified by virtue of Russia's defeat in Israel, but their defeat to Macedonia on Saturday has opened up the possibility of England winning the group.
If England beat Croatia by a three-goal margin they will finish ahead of Slaven Bilic's side. A 2-0 win will also be enough as the head-to-head record between the sides will be level and so the group standings will be decided on goal difference - which will be superior for England.
A two-goal win in which England concede a goal (ie 3-1 or 4-2) will mean Croatia finish top by virtue of scoring an away goal in the head-to-head record.
If Croatia lose by a single goal at Wembley, they will still finish top of top Group E.
Overheard in Court
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
The Tush-Push
Barry,
It's great to hear from you finally. I assume your email found me in error, however it is fortuitous indeed that it did, for I am in great need of one of your finest products to date - the Tush-Push. Since my crash course of extreme weight gain I too have had difficulty getting off the pooper. Please Barry, please help me. I write this from the bathroom, I pray your product arrives before my laptop battery dies and disconnects me from the outside world. Please hurry Barry!
http://phillipsliftsystems.com/company.htm
http://phillipsliftsystems.com/
Thanks,
Tommy
It's great to hear from you finally. I assume your email found me in error, however it is fortuitous indeed that it did, for I am in great need of one of your finest products to date - the Tush-Push. Since my crash course of extreme weight gain I too have had difficulty getting off the pooper. Please Barry, please help me. I write this from the bathroom, I pray your product arrives before my laptop battery dies and disconnects me from the outside world. Please hurry Barry!
http://phillipsliftsystems.com/company.htm
http://phillipsliftsystems.com/
Thanks,
Tommy
America's New Motto
"We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t get a person off the toilet."
http://phillipsliftsystems.com/company.htm
http://phillipsliftsystems.com/company.htm
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Brilliant Game
You play with crayons and physics. The goal of the game is to move the red ball so that it collects the stars. You can cause the red ball to move by drawing physical objects.
With left mouse button you can draw and with right you can remove objects.
You have to download it, but it's small and well worth it.
http://www.kloonigames.com/blog/games/crayon/
Friday, November 09, 2007
Thursday, November 08, 2007
World larget man-made tornado - by accident!
Engineers at the Mercedes-Benz Museum in Germany have built the world’s largest man-made tornado. The 34.43 meter high tornado was built to keep smoke from making it’s way into exhibit areas in the museum in the event of a large fire. The tornado in the photos uses carbon dioxide vapor and takes a good 7 plus minutes for the 144 jets to get 28 tons of air wound up enough to create the vortex necessary to sustain the column. Once running, the tornado will effectively suck in any smoke and carry it up to vents to be expelled to the outside.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
The Great Debaters
It must be the year, but the number of big actors who are turning into directors grows every day. The latest is Denzel Washington who is debuting his second directorial effort, The Great Debaters, on Christmas Day. Set back in 1935, The Great Debaters is based on the true story of Melvin B. Tolson, a professor at Wiley College Texas who inspired his students to form the school's first debate team. This actually looks really damn good, I'm quite impressed. Oscar contender?
Watch the trailer here
Monday, November 05, 2007
Marion the Ripper
Marion just came up with a great onomatopoeic representation of a jack the Ripper murder...
"sshhhrt pfff plafsh bleeeeeuuuaaaarrrg"
Niiice.
"sshhhrt pfff plafsh bleeeeeuuuaaaarrrg"
Niiice.
[REC]
"This movie played after Atonement in a double bill at the Venice Film Festival. Within fifteen minutes the previously full cinema was half empty with people filing out of the auditorium in panicked droves. Those who stayed were treated to the proverbial roller-coaster ride and walked out of the Sala Biennale having shared a deeply traumatic yet brilliant experience. REC had me literally screaming with terror and enjoyment.
A bubbly, ambitious TV journalist reports on the seemingly dull sedentary life of an urban fire station and a call to help a strange old lady locked in her apartment hardly seems worthy covering. The chaos, mayhem and trauma that erupts when the old lady plunges her teeth into the neck of the previously sympathetic fireman is simply sensational.
This is not a casual Zombie movie but the usual rules of contamination apply. The live news report style in which it is filmed invoke a jarring sense of participation which make Blair Witch feel cute, dated and comparatively boring."
IMDB - [REC]
Word of the Day - Woolgathering
woolgathering \WOOL-gath-(uh)-ring\, noun:
Indulgence in idle daydreaming.
Similarly, in the meadow, if you laze too late into the fall, woolgathering, snow could fill your mouth.
-- Edward Hoagland, "Earth's eye", Sierra, May 1999
It would be easy to slip off into woolgathering and miss a deadline.
-- Jeraldine Saunders, Washington Post, March 4, 2004
Plagued by guilt, they took refuge in wine, women, and woolgathering.
-- Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust
The soprano roused Fergus from his woolgathering.
-- Sandra Brown, Where There's Smoke
Woolgathering derives from the literal sense, "gathering fragments of wool."
Indulgence in idle daydreaming.
Similarly, in the meadow, if you laze too late into the fall, woolgathering, snow could fill your mouth.
-- Edward Hoagland, "Earth's eye", Sierra, May 1999
It would be easy to slip off into woolgathering and miss a deadline.
-- Jeraldine Saunders, Washington Post, March 4, 2004
Plagued by guilt, they took refuge in wine, women, and woolgathering.
-- Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust
The soprano roused Fergus from his woolgathering.
-- Sandra Brown, Where There's Smoke
Woolgathering derives from the literal sense, "gathering fragments of wool."
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
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